Steroids Make You Stupid & Shrink Your Testicles

We bad.








Very bad.

Disappointed a lot of kids, even if they were Yankee fans.

But hey, we made a lot of money. And the most amazing thing of all? Dan Duquette was probably right. Maybe the Rocket was spent when he went to Toronto. I guess nobody figured a couple of bucks premium was all he'd need to augment his career.

This is a terrible time for baseball. Over fifty players were outed in the Mitchell report for steroid and HGH use; many because they wrote personal checks as payment for the goods. I told you that steroids make you stupid. At least none of the checks I've seen reproduced have the work "steroids" in the left hand memo line.

This is my solution to the whole era's problems.

Find some mechanism that would allow you to ask, under oath, the following question:

"Have you ever used, or are you currently using steroid XYZ, or HGH." Then round up everyone who has ever played baseball at the major league level since 1990, and ask them.

For everyone who says yes (not knowing whether you have evidence on them or not), I would simply put an asterisk next to their record. Simple. We don't know which of these achievements occurred through natural talent, or were enhanced, so we'll put an asterisk next to your name and records, your career stats.

That way, future voters for the Hall of Fame can make an informed choice.

Sure, some of the cheaters will get away. Blame their teammates for adopting the code of silence; by refusing to turn in the people whose enhanced gifts helped win games for you, or in many cases resulted in your replacement. Blame the owners for looking the other way, because the cash incentives for the team made doing the wrong thing a salve for the conscience. Blame the Union for somehow believing that protecting the rights of players translated into allowing them to ingest substances that enhanced their performance, but also killed some of them (probably Darryl Kile, Steve Bechsler, etc.)

Blame Bud Selig, who replaced Fay Vincent as baseball Commissioner. An owner appointed by other owners to ensure that their interests were protected. Selig is a guy who apparently believed that it was better to let juiced players swat at baseballs, than risk a strike by a union defending on privacy grounds the right of it's members to cheat. Yeah, that would've been a winning argument, don't you think? That would have been quite a risk, Bud. Heck, they could have stayed out on strike for a full three days trying to sell that crap to America, before they realized it lacked, hmm. Resonance. Yeah, resonance. But I'll tell you, it would have been the best thing you could have done for the kids in the Pioneer League.

Then, a representative from each of the above-named constituencies can explain to my son and daughter why the homer hit by Brian Roberts on July 31st, (Roberts made the Mitchell list for keeping a tab as a patron of the Juice Bar) beating Josh Beckett, should count. It was the first professional baseball game for one of the kids.

Perhaps one or two adults who could tell the difference between right and wrong, who could see through the collective fog of denial that this particular gathering of clans kept wrapped around themselves like a funeral shroud could have made a difference. I've misjudged the current Commissioner of baseball; I thought his legacy was going to be pandering and general incompetence. But for sheer cowardice and rooted self-interest, no one will be able to hold a candle to Bud. My hat's off to you. And I think when the Veteran's Committee places you into the Hall of Fame, you'll fit right up there with greedy, racist, cheap miserable SOB's already enshrined.

If you keep Shoeless Joe out of the Hall of Fame because he took money, returned it, and played his butt off; if you ban Buck Weaver because he attended two meetings of the Black Sox to argue how wrong it was, never took a dime, and played his heart out; then mocking this game by cheating deserves some sort of consequence.

An asterisk should suffice. It captures the exact measure of surprise and suspicion that should forever be attached to the records of these players. They cheated; maybe their entire career, maybe for two years, you just don't know since not a single one of the named players who wasn't indicted accepted the offer of the Mitchell Commission to come in and talk about the evidence and the allegations.

They cheated; they lied, and they lacked the testicles to own up to what they had done, and have been doing.

See? Steroids make you stupid and makes your testicles shrink.

Whether this particular generation of greedy bastards sees themselves as role models or not, they are.

Student athletes, gaze upon the faces of greed and arrogance in the picture accompanying this posting.

That isn't the thrill of competing at your highest level you see in their eyes. The dulled vacancy you see means that they have shed just enough of their moral core to take money for cheating, to take jobs from others who wouldn't otherwise have lost them; and to kick a game I grew up loving, warts and all, a few feet farther into the gutter.

Asterisk. Simple. Elegant. And just to be kind, we can let each of the players choose the color of the asterisk. Then, they can delude themselves into thinking it isn't an asterisk, it's a gold star.

That's the ticket.

Cow Pies and Sharing the Pain

Sorry about the little vacation. I've actually been quite busy over the past two weeks; much of it having to do with the School Committee, and the Revenue Task Force.

On the SC side, I have working through several iterations of the School Committee Goals for the coming year, which will be voted on at our next meeting, December 17th. The agenda for that meeting will be fat and sassy, and will include the goals, two budget presentations- the level services budget for '08/'09 and the Superintendent's Value-Added recommendations to that budget, essentially, what we need to do to improve our schools that would add costs to or require additional cuts to the Level Services budget. As well, we will go into Executive Session during the meeting for the purpose of finalizing the negotiated contracts with the Superintendent and the Assistant Superintendent, negotiated by Andrea Jones, Gordy Bechtel and myself; we will come out of that session to vote publicly and go over the specifics for the community.

And before you go much further, I should explain that I have been pursuing my task as assigned for the Revenue Task Force, looking at the City budget; I've met with several City Councilors, and will probably meet with several more. I confess that I am somewhat frustrated; if I had a buck for every shrug I've gotten in those meetings when I've raised a question about budgeted expenses, we could bring foreign language back to the middle school next year. So if the tone of this post drifts into smarminess, or lets the occasional sarcastic inference creep into the text, mea culpa. I'm sorry in advance.

Three Simple Rules

For those paying attention, what we've learned from our recent budget history can be boiled down to three essential elements:

YOU CAN'T START EARLY ENOUGH- This year's budget process began four months ahead of last year's; and for the first time in a long time, possibly ever, the estimated level services budget (no changes in the level of services from this year to the next) will be delivered before December 20th. Past practice would put this into the hands of the Community and the SC around late February. We will also be receiving a second, "value-added" set of budget recommendations from the Superintendent that would identify additional spending that would immediately impact student achievement this coming year. And one more point to make, for all those aficionados of Zero-Based budgeting- both the level services and the value-added budget are adjusted to account for new regulatory conditions we face.

KEEP THE COMMUNITY INFORMED, AND THE MESSAGE COGENT- In every way, the SC will work with every constituency in the City to ensure that information is accurately disseminated, everyone is on the same page, and the entire community has every question answered.

WE DO NOT HAVE A "SCHOOL PROBLEM," WE HAVE A MUNICIPAL PROBLEM. EVERY COMMUNITY HAS A MUNICIPAL PROBLEM. WHEN WE CONTINUE TO PARSE THE ISSUES FACING US INTO SCHOOL/CITY, THERE WILL BE NO SOLUTIONS POSSIBLE.

Salem is Slipping...

For the second time in 3 years, the City of Salem has had a deficit in the School budget. Three years ago, an unexpected rise in fuel costs forced the City to lay off teachers in the middle of the School year. The deficit this year has already reached $1.8 million, with 6 months left to go.

Mayor Kim Driscoll of Salem has issued a statement along the lines of "everything is on the table; the schools cannot bear the full brunt of this deficit."

Wow. You mean other City Departments will be asked to share the burden of re-directing revenue to the Schools, because Salem has suddenly realized that Schools have an intrinsic value to the community? I mean times are tight for every community in the Commonwealth, but to put everything on the table to ensure the Schools survive. Gutsy. Salem, which has a crime rate proportionately much worse than Newburyport (compare the 2005 statistics, and note that the formula used by the feds allows for the population disparity between the two cities).

In 2007, "The city (of Salem) spent $7.2 million funding the retirement system last year - more than what it cost to pay for the city's 83-member Police Department.

Compared to Newburyport

The City of Newburyport, with a police force of 38 (?), last year was budgeted at nearly $3,000,000. When you compare the crime rates between Salem and Newburyport, and then realize that they are funded proportionately about the same, you can only come to one inescapable conclusion.

You Can Always Find A Policeman in Newburyport When You Need One

The Police in Newburyport are clearly better at controlling crime than those of Salem. I mean, the numbers bear that out. The police overtime alone in the 2007 budget cost us more than it would have to keep foreign language in the Middle School for this year; but if you want a safe, peaceful community, you have to pay the piper. Really, when you look at the crime rates between Salem and Newburyport, you can only wring your hands in despair that the School Budget crisis might require every Department in the City to give up something.

I'm Not Listening

And to all of you people in Wards 4, 5, and 6 who told me you voted against the override because you think the City-side of the budget has become a pasture for sacred cows to graze, the Mayor disagrees. He said so tonight at the School Committee meeting.

I just wanted you to know, I've done what you've asked; delivered the message. The Mayor just disagrees with it.

Clearly, what we have here is a failure to communicate. I'm not sure we can expect the Mayor to take a stand like Mayor Driscoll, although hope springs eternal.

Before we cut DPW again, let's make sure that we order more grass seed; unless things change dramatically and for the better, those sacred cows will still need their feed. As for the kids, well...

I remember the words of Benjamin Franklin, when, finally, he, and John Hancock, Jefferson and Adams had managed to pass the Declaration of Independence. In considering the magnitude of the deed, Franklin spoke eloquently.

"And so, my friends, we must all hang together now, for if we do not, we will most assuredly hang separately."

Community. A community that binds itself together is willing to make the sacrifices it needs to, to accomplish goals that it finds of great and future value.

There is a lot more to talk about folks, regarding the need for some sort of municipal response to the community crisis. Keep tuned.

Thanks to you, I'll be on the air here for at least four more years.