A Balance of Questions

Summary paragraph: In which Menin shares something he learned about asking questions, and applies it to his time on the School Committee.

One of the first things I learned from the crisis work I referred to several posts ago, was how to phrase a question. You never should ask a why question; because it feels judgmental to the person you are saying it to, and it lends itself to an answer that moves the conversation in unproductive directions.

"Why did you do that?"

Why not?
Because!
What's it to you?

See what I mean? It may be torturous and long-winded to talk around the WHY, but it really helps.

I noticed that every time your cross a street, you genuflect. Can you help me understand a little more about that?

Yeah, WHY is quicker, but the above example opens up the conversation in a more generous and sympathetic way. And, it isn't judgmental.

So all ye candidates running for public office, some hard-won advice from the field of battle.

Open as few of your questions with a variation of "why" as possible (why do, why must, why did, why didn't, why can't, why won't, why will, etc.)

Start every possible exchange with "What if..." as much as possible.

"What if" is an invitation to partnership and collaboration, it is a sign that you are listening, a sign that you are affirming the other person. It is an invitation to step outside the box and dream.

"Why" is simply an invitation to step out into the parking lot and settle matters.

A simple civics lesson I've learned the hard way.

What if the the long over-due dialogue about municipal reform began with the question, what if...